Imogen Heap - Hide And Seek

I've been a bad girl this week. Merely completed one set of readings and a reading log, and here i am, procrastinating again. Im feel myself slowly succumbing to the evil hand of sloth but yet im not doing anything about it. It's only the end of week 3 and im already failing to keep up with the promise i made. Whatever happened to super-geek mode? I so have to get my priorities back on track. After tonight.

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Meanwhile, was msn-ing with Lim San just now and we started talking about age. Oddly enough, im actually yearning to be older every year and i never seem to be satisfied with my age each year. Even now, when i havent officially stepped out of teenhood, im already desiring to be 21. As a matter of fact, i think age gives me an atypical sense of physical accomplishment and maturity, no less allowing me to look back on my life and review how much of what i do every day genuinely contributes to the value of my existence in this world. I've had my fair share of regret and achievement over the course of my life naturally; and somehow i do find that these past lessons constantly shape my psychological, mental and emotional states and magically redefine my identity.

While i remember myself as being more blithe and enthusiastic during the mid-teens, i've come to feel that i've mellowed a lot more now. At 19/20, im practically the antithesis of the average youth - i detest social gatherings and hitting the streets. Yes, im the ultimate homebody. (Then again of course, it depends on the company im with, although solitude would still have to be my top preference). In fact, i kinda like spending all this time alone thinking. Alot. Lately, i've been thinking about my future, envisioning how my career would be like in 5 years, how much i would have achieved in 10, and how i should start going about now to realise its potential. I suppose my lack of accomplishment and minimal self-satisfaction over the past 20 years painted such an accurate picture of my bleak history that it has jolted me out of my delusions and into the real world. Ironically however, this reality has made me more pensive as well. I mean, how many youths actually worry about such issues at this stage in life? O well, anyway, all these emotional dynamics are stirring up my appetite to mature in age. I can honestly say that im eagerly anticipating my looking back on today and hopefully, be successful enough by then to smile seeing how much and how well i've grown.