La la la

Lalala I'm finally here to update this again...Wow it's unbelievable how fast time actually flies. It's the end of the week AGAIN! But, I can't decipher why everything that is happening seems so meaningless. Sigh. Geez I'm SUPER bored cos I finally realised that my house is extremely dull. Guess thats a good-enough reason on why I should hang out after school nowadays instead of heading straight home. B-O-R-I-N-G. Yep that's definitely the word to describe my house and MY LIFE. Hmm I seriously think it's because of the environment and surroundings I am in that causing me to reach such a stage in life. Come on, I'm only 17 but I feel like I'm 71. What the heck! Oh well, whatever, I'm stuck in this for life so what's the damn point?! I can't even help myself...sheesh. BIG LOSER I am huh.

Dammit

Darn it, looking at my calendar, next week's gonna be a terribly jam-packed week. With the endless amount of presentations and fac tests...I guess I can't go back to PL to collect my cert again. Shit.

Oh great, and there's another problem. The meet-the-parents session is somwhere in early August and I simply can't bring myself to tell my parents about it. Ok fine I passed all my subjects, but its not that fantastic either. They'll probably scream and nag in response to why I didn't manage to get a C grade at least. Dammit. Hmm looks like I'll just have to forge my dad's signature and CANCEL the "Able to come" box, again.

By the way, I've begun to realise that having a night life is not that bad afterall?! Hey...chill out my friends...life's not that agonizing. Don't you agree?

Dear God...

Thank You for understanding my problems and sending me my friends as a source of comfort. You know that I have been depressed and extremely dejected ever since school started months back but You have always been there for me and thank You for answering my prayers. I know that I have constantly let You down and only making false promises of Faith, but You have brought me hope by giving me my most treasured friends in TP like Jane, Su-anne, Vicki and Xiaomin. Although there have been many obstacles thoughout the process of this friendship, but we know that this is a test of our relationship. The times that we cried, laughed, pulled long faces, were at the lowest point in our lives, You have all been there beside us and reminding us that these are all what makes our friendship stronger and more reliable. It has been an interesting and eventful day for us especially in the beginning of the week, and thank You for guiding us through this day and letting us know that friendship and Faith can overcome all shortcomings and problems. Thank You for always being by our side and providing us a helping hand to each and everyone of us. Thank You especially for sending Vicki to my side for enlightening me on my Faith and You. You have given me the strength to start swimming again and pulling myself onto the shore to join Vicki. Although Jane is still trapped unknowingly in the deeper ends of the ocean and Su-anne is still tied down by the seaweeds in the seabed, You have provided Vicki and me the strength to find the life-buoy and rescue the both of them up on shore. Thank You for giving us that hope and perserverence, and most importantly, this friendship between the five of us. Amen.

Si Bei Sian ah...

S uff oc ati ng

Save me...I don't have a life. I need a life. I've lost the life that was once in my possession. Help! Jane! Su-anne! Xiaomin! Vicki! Save me! I know I'm about to fall into that pit of darkness again. I'm suffocating in this cramped corner. Take me along with you guys...I don't want to remain where I am. Everything is not within my grasp now. It's nerve-wrecking. It's all tearing me apart. My life is shredded, disfigured, and gone all haywired...rescue me...I want to go home...to some place where my life is...

HIGHER - Creed

When dreaming I'm guided through another world
Time and time again
At sunrise I fight to stay asleep
'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place
'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape
From the life I live when I'm awake
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Can you take me higher?
To the place where blind men see
Can you take me higher?
To the place with golden streets
Although I would like our world to change
It helps me to appreciate
Those nights and those dreams
But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same
The only difference is
To let love replace all our hate
So let's go there
Let's make our escape
Come on, let's go there
Let's ask can we stay?
Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time
Up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams
And make them mine


ONE LAST BREATH - Creed

Please come now I think I¡¯m falling
I¡¯m holding on to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I¡¯m trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I¡¯m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I¡¯m six feet from the edge and I¡¯m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain¡¯t so far down
I¡¯m looking down now that it¡¯s over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I¡¯m down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I¡¯m six feet from the edge and I¡¯m thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain¡¯t so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there¡¯s something left for me
So please come stay with me
¡®Cause I still believe there¡¯s something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I¡¯m six feet from the edge and I¡¯m thinking


WE NEVER CHANGE - Coldplay

I wanna live life, never be cruel,
I wanna live life, be good to you.

I wanna fly, never come down,
And live my life,
And have friends around.

We never change, do we?
We never learned to leave,
So I wanna live in a wooden house,
I wanna live life, always be true,
I wanna live life, and be good to you,
I wanna fly, and never come down,
And I live my life, and have friends around.

We never change do we? No, no,
We never learned to bleed,
So I wanna live in a wooden house,
Making more friends would be easy.

O I don't have a show to say,
Yes, and I sing of a single day,
We never change do we?
We never learned to leave.

So, I wanna live life in a wooden house,
Making more friends would be easy,
I wanna live where the sun comes out.

Wo Men Zai Cheng Zhang

Wow it's been ages since I last updated this...I'd been rather "busy" this last weekend though, and it drained me out totally that's why I didn't have time to come online lately. Let's see...

last Friday: DanceFest'02 - grooved the night away, somewhat similar to disco parties, just that the missing presence of drinks didn't get us high enough (it's the 1st and probably the last time I thought that JC life could be so happening)

Saturday: slept the entire day, and I mean literally, and only woke up at 5pm to find 3/4 of my Saturday gone (didn't go home the previous night and didn't catch a wink of sleep that's why I was absolutely exhausted)

Sunday: celebrated the triple-Js' (Jinghui, Jingxian and Janelle) birthday which kicked off with "lunch" at Wisma's foodcourt and followed by half a day's of fun-in-the-sun at Singapore's ONLY "clean-and-clear" beach at Sentosa's Tanjong beach. Well, it has to be litter-free since it's an artificial one afterall. (I'll upload the photos asap once it's developed)

Monday (Today): another boring day. Just recalled that I have to finish my The Monk's logbook before Ms Kon flares up tomorrow. why is it I can't seem to find any chapter summary/analysis on the net? I'm already forcing myself to try and get this done but I'm just too tired...Sigh...help...Is this what the government calls a "Youth Day"???

P.S.: check out jay chou's yet-to-be-released song from his upcoming album - wo men zai cheng zhang

Why? Why? Why?

Why must life be like that?
Why are we being our own slaves?
Why must this happen?
Why am I so useless?
Why isnt there any solution or at least an escape route?
Why must we continue living in this life?
Why?
Why?
Why?

I know, I know...

Hey pal, I know how you you've been feeling all this while. I know what you are going through. I know it's hard for you to survive in that misery. I know that it's all this shit that's driving you up that wall. I know you're feeling really terrible and tormented inside. I know that life's not the same anymore. I know that you you've been crying all this time. Cry my friend, let it all out...let it all out...

Our lives are not what it used to be anymore. No more cheerful days, no more fun times, no more true laughter and joy...nothing now is like the beautiful past. Yes, we've all been burying it deep down inside of us...somewhere deep where we thought that it would never resurface again...somwhere where we thought that it's only a temporary passing, a transition, and we will move and life will be better. But no, we've just been hiding it behind those superficial expressions. All along we've just been wearing this artificial mask where we thought we could depend on it to survive this routine and monotonous life.

My friend, do not grieve. You must know you are not alone and that we, your friends, are always by your side, thinking about and caring for you constantly. This is life and we cannot change it. Yes, this is our fate. This is what has been planned for us and we can only be moulded into what they want us to be. Expectations, expectations, and more expectations are all that we live for. It is an undeniable fact, yes. We cannot escape, we cannot run far far away to find that place where all of us want to go. All we can do now is to put up with all this shit. It is true that we still have to continue putting on this mask, but there are certainly other things in life that are worth living for. You may not have discovered it yet, but one day you will, my friend, you will.

Each of us has something in life worth living for, and it is there, waiting for us to find out what it is and truly cherish it. What is revolving around us now is only a temporary phase that everyone has to go through in their lives. Everyone is sick of this life too but there is nothing we can do except to divert our attention to other things. Things that make our day, things that brighten up our lives, things that draws a smile on our faces. Regardless of how minor or big they are, they still let us know that not all our days in life are dark. Friends, they are one such example. Or maybe even food. Being able to indulge in what we like to eat creates a sense of satisfaction, and this is what it's all about. Making the best out of what we can. You can do it, my friend, you can do it. Let us all overcome this together. It is OUR war, let's fight till the end, my friend.