My mind's in a whirl and my heart's in a knot right now. Sometimes i think life can be so...difficult. Right, that's an understatement. But difficult as in trying, punishing, thorny, hypercritical - you get the idea. It just seems that the path never runs smooth, the bed's not full of roses, and it's all tricky business involved. Gosh why am i talking like that today. I feel so incoherent and irrelevant.

Anyway, it's hard for me to get to the point. But all i can say is that i honestly feel awfully horrible inside, and i cant stop crying. You know how sometimes you can get really down on our luck, and every single thing just goes against you, all at once? You can never seem enjoy a moment of pure happiness cos all the bad things fall on you consecutively? And it's like from then on you cant help but feel that you're never gonna have one good day in your life till all the problems are solved? But you dont have a single idea when that will be and now you're just caught in this sticky predicament, living a dilemma every day, crying to your pillow every night cos you're just plain helpless? All you can do is to just keep praying hard that God will end this nightmare for you? That's how im feeling. I dont wish to say what mess im in right now, mostly you can say it's because im trying to run away from it, which is obviously a cowardice behavior, i know it, but i guess that's the only way i can handle it till i have a solution to the problem. Im just so ashamed of myself. It arose all because of me, my selfish desire's the root of the matter and now there's suffering. I wish i could reverse time and rewrite everything but it's impossible. i wish a miracle would happen but i doubt it will. I wish i could at least do something to alleviate the situation but all im capable of is crying. I wish there could be a ray of hope.