I need a massage right now

My back is acting up again.

Why cant i just have a normal spine like everyone else?!

URGH.

The grapes are oh so sour

Im idle. Im unemployed. Im afraid. And im cynical.

I wish they would stop running those full-page congratulatory ads in the papers every day. Its not only jarring to my eyes, its also torturing me mentally and emotionally.

So for us who are not an NUS/SMU/NTU alum, our only places are in the shadows of our "locally-produced" peers? So what if we are technically part of the Class of 2007? I dont feel a single tinge of acknowledgement; only buckets of acid thrown in my face. Ok, so im jealous cos im not of those who made it to the Dean's List, scored several job offers and landed at least a 2.5k starting pay. But seriously, i dont feel a wee bit recognised as being a member of my own country's knowledge economy, much less a contributor to it. In fact, i even feel sorry for my parents that they have to deal with the emotional stress of their child's segregation from the "mainstream" party.

Is this a subconscious (or should i say, repressed) indication of my innate desire to conform; and of my hunger to be accepted by local society? Undeniably so. But its only because those so-called "success stories" glorified by the media make me doubt myself and render my own achievements under-qualified.

Sinking in Sloth

Neglecting my blog is a pretty obvious sign that im falling back into sloth once again. My mind's not feeling very active these days and so are my fingers. But then if i dont blog, there's not much else for me to do either. I was never this bored back in Perth even though i cooped up at home every single day. I remember doing endless surfing, so much so that there wasnt even any motivation for me to feel hungry at dinnertime despite not having any brekky and lunch. Yet here in Singapore i have practically exhausted all my possible sources of activity, leaving my mind to only flit around the house aimlessly. I reckon the weather has sucked out every single trace of motivation for physical activity left in me.


Anyway, did i mention that i met Meely's cousins at Margaret River 3 weeks ago? All i can say is, her skinny genes certainly dont run in her family.

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At Last

Finally. Completed. Internship report.

7 chapters.

45 pages.

15,600 words.

Countless days.

Sunday, May 6, 4.30am.

DONE.

DumbRider

Im not very fond of SmartRider.

Its voracious appetite is almost comparable to the EZ Link.

I say REVIVE THE MULTIRIDER!!!

Bah.

THIS is why im so ashamed of being a Singaporean sometimes.

Singaporeans themselves should be too.

For goodness sake people!!! URGH.

1) I've got insomnia. Or maybe not. Its prolly cos my body clock hasnt re-adjusted itself back from holiday mode to school mode. Sigh.

2) I can feel my myopia worsening. Yet, im still not doing anything to prevent it. Bad. Very bad.

3) I had one of the most absurd dreams last night. Not one of those that come under my Deja Vu category. This one literally made me sit up in bed knitting my brows and go 'HUH!' when i woke up cos it was just so unbelievable yet realistic.

4) Editing AGAIN tomorrow. I think this assignment breaks my record for the longest time spent on editing for such a 2 min video. Perhaps we should rename it 'The TRUE Never-ending Story'.

Time and tide waits for no Man. But is Man even bothered?

Yes, yes, yes. I am procrastinating AGAIN. I know full well that i've got work awaiting me yet im deliberately shutting that thought out of my mind. I think this act of escapism - if i may term it as such - is extremely unhealthy. But what do i do? Continue to indulge in it of course! Sloth is a horrendous sin, i know. Even spiritual intervention cant help me because im not even helping myself.

I think one of my strengths is also my biggest flaw - that is i can do something without stopping (sometimes even going without food and/or sleep); BUT, when i do stop, it is a huge difficulty to get started again. Which, once again, is the case right now. I've been working on my project proposal for a few days, and now that that has been completed (yesterday), im locked in inertia mode, unable to move on to my next assignment. So then, im stationed in the midst of no-man's-land, submerged only in time and tide.

Is it because the tedious journeying of every voyage has burnt out the fuel of motivation in me? Is it because the propellers of dynamism have been mentally and psychologically worn out? Or are these just mere fashionable excuses consciously concocted to camouflage and evade the vicious fact that im basically an indolent bum?

This extremity is such an abhorrent disease and one that i know only i have the ability to cure. Yet, the irony lies in how the cure IS the disease. If there is no stimulus to jumpstart the engine, how can i get to the dock?

Duel in the Pool

All the adrenalin rush from watching the FINA World Championships makes me feel as if im out there working it out too. Who says audiences are not active?!

4x100m medley final - Australia vs US


100m butterfly final - Phelps vs Crocker


800m freestyle final - Ziegler vs Manaudou

I like the name Leisel (yes, as in Jones and Von Trapp).


Shame on the thief who burgled into my secure wireless network and swallowed 2 gigs of my bandwidth in a half a night. Hey, you might be smart but im not stupid either. There's such a thing called changing passwords. Deal with that, smartass!